There's a place out there for us in this temporary home.
For me, this is My place.
My world.
My thoughts.
My crap. My way of expressing myself.
My voiceless voice.
And when i say life is a blessing. I really believe it, just that sometimes Blessing can be very good in disguising.
It's even faster than the speed of light, 3x10^8 ms.
And Christmas is around the corner.
Christmas!
The thoughts that sprang to my mind when i heard the word Christmas are:
1. Christmas present (yeh ini memang paling 1st dlm otak)
2. Christmas tree! (supaya boleh decorate2 kunun)
3. Santa claus!! (odoii..ini time budak2 la)
4. Christmas dress and new clothes (ini pun tiap2 tahun misti ada)
5. Makan2~ (ini nda payah cakap la)
These 5 are mainly the thing that were in my mind as a child. I don't know about others, but as a child, i really didn't think much about christmas.
I could have list lotsa other thing but i know and quite sure the only thing that wouldn't cross my mind at that time is :
The birth of Jesus Christ.
Perhaps it did cross my mind, u know.
Yes, i am a christian since the day i was born.
But to be honest, i don't really know Him.
U see, i heard this once in one of the Lifefire camp that i joined, by dereck. He said:
The God u know when u are 10, is different from the God u know when you are 15, and by the time u are 20, the God you is dfferent too from the God u knew when you were 10.
Make sense?
And it was until i came to Labuan matriculation college,
i guess that's where i started to REALLY know Him more.
And when i came to UMS and joined Lifefire and Catholic Student Group,
i know Him even more, and yes i fall deeply in love with Him.
My life in UMS is where i really know Him and now i'm still searching for more.
And more.
It was worth every struggle to be who i am, to be where i am today.
Dear Jesus, thank You because You found me.
As i grow older, i realize more of the meaning of Christmas.
I no longer long for new clothes,
or christmas tree,
or christmas present(but i wouldn't refuse if u wanna give me tho')
what matters to me is that as long as im with my family
and as long as we are together to spend and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ,
then it is more than Enough.
may God bless us with the wisdom we need to really appreciate the true meaning of chirstmas.
I know i'm not the one to talk, i'm still on my way to believing.
So let's walk together. And grow together.
Dear Lord,
U know my hope, my dream, my fear, my wish, my failure and my everything,
but even tho' U know, u still love me.
and i know that U listen to every unheard prayer that's in my heart.
For this christmas, if i were to be granted 1 wish, the only thing i wish for is his healing.
If it is Ur will, then let him be healed.
Please bless him, strengthen him, and be with him.
Amen.
P.s : Dad, please know that i love u even tho i don't really show it. Please get well soon. May God bless u abundantly.
It's been 3 years.
Sigh~
It's tiring. Emotionally.
And i dislike what it is turning me into.
I don't feel angry, i just feel hurt.
And sometime i hate myself for not being able to feel angry.
aish..biarla.
Patience and faith are the only thing i have left.
If i've come this far, perhaps it is worth the tiredness.
Is it?
And this undefined thing has been kinda roller-coaster-ride for me.
Sometime it makes me happy for no reason,
sometime it hurt so much that i wish nothing ever happened.
But most of the time, i feel like a fool.
But its ok though.
I guess that's life.
It's time to let go.
and LET GOD.
Saying is always easier than doing it, right?
I know i can't do this alone.
But with God, nothing is impossible ba
Have Your way in me Lord.
Amen.
I mean, i do know that 1 or 2 people in my circle of friend know about it,
And i did't even tell those people, they knew it by themself.
Whoa~ I'm impressed by u guys punya observation skill.
Congrats, mau bagi gula2 tung2 la ni!
but recently..
i found out that MORE people actually knows.
At least more than i thought.
hurm..
not everyone. Like 6.5 out of ten. buh how can human be 0.5?
And this thing passed like 1 year already ba..
just when i thought it become a history,
i found out that another friend knows.
and once in a while,
i'll be asked of that same question.
which i do not know how to answer.
so i just shrugged and smile.
wahahaha~
It's not that i don't want to tell.
It's nothing.
Not something that the whole world should know.
But still some people knows.
I guess they are observant enough.
Because i don't think its that obvious *and the fact that this happens lama ody.
On a second thought, i guess its kinda obvious.
Idk..
:3
If u are one of the people who knows though i never tell u, congrats on your observation skill. clap~
If you don't know what in the world im talking about, conrats to myself for my hiding skill. yay~
Sometime, when people still ask me that, it upset me, but some of the time, it makes me laugh.
Yesh.
After all these time,
i thought it doesn't matter anymore.
So why would it matter to anyone else?
P.s : You'll always be my thunder. But lightning won't strike the same place twice.
Thunder and ligtning is not the same thing, but its interrelated is it?
P.s : lepas blogspot bertambah2 update, terus sia x dpt mau upload gambar. ta june btul..
iya. sa mimang tidak expert dalam blog2 ne even though i start blogging lamaaaa suda.
Im fasting on facebook.
i deactivated it last tuesday.
And apparently my record of not opening my facebook is 2 days.
Yay~
should i be proud?
i plan to fast for 1 whole week
but i need to pm my sis-in-law for the dress measurements thing.
and the list of what-to-measure is in my inbox so terpaksa la i activate my facebook.
'terpaksa' kunun.
hee~
I'll deactivate it again.
This time i promise i'll set a longer record.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
Been through a lot too.
Don't know why but there will be a certain time i suddenly feel...
erm..
so empty,
so painful,
so breathless,
as if i'm drowning,
as if there is an invisible rope is strangling me.
There is this heaviness in my chest, this invisible burden on my shoulder..
Life is hard, isn't it?
I already knew this, but still it doesn't get easier by knowing it...
*talan air liur dalam2..sigh~
but i know, i do know that God places the heaviset burden on those who can carry it ba.
And i know that i am not alone.
There are countless angels around me to help me during these suffering times.
And i just have to spot their wing..ha ha
And that no matter how big your trouble or obstacles are,
nothing is bigger than God.
And thats what keep me going.
Because deep in my heart,
i know that He will provide.
and i guess the reason i'm able to stand up now,
is not because i rely not on my own strength, but because of the strength that He has given to me ne.
And i feel that there are many timeGod do answer my prayers ne..
But because i expect Him to speak or to appear to me in an extraordinary way,
yes i do, i expect God to send me a dove from heaven,
or that He will show up in front of me when i open my eyes,
or that He will shows me miracle or something like that.. plis la aibeh..plis...
But i learned something in the LifeFire camp 2010 at Bundu Tuhan.
That God do speaks to us in an ordinary way too.
But because i expect something more than ordinary,
i tend to ignore it, and still waiting for the extraordinary thing.
And as i pray during the Quiet time,
i search for a quiet place and i pray silently,
and i feel so calm,
and for the first time in my life, i pray wholeheartedly.
i gave 101% of my heart.
And i feel touched by Him in a way that i can never explain in words.
A wonderful feeling that one can only experience by oneself to understand.
Yes, my life do get harder since i follow Him,
but amazingly, I still feel happy.
I feel belong.
I feel contented in a way that i never have before this.
And at most, I feel stronger.
Before this, its like there is this hole in my heart, this emptiness that kills me.
And now i feel like God is filling it slowly, bits by bits everday.
Filling it with all the Joy, Faith, Courage and Love...and so on~
God is good, all the time!
Just when i feel so mad because i think God is taking something away from me,
He send me another thing that is BETTER.
Eeee..so amazing ne...
Im in awe and i can't stop being grateful for the thing that He gave me..
And i guess when u are grateful, u will feel Happy.
because u don't feel there's any lacking in life.
And u feel like u have everything u need.
There is this one friend that is moved to UPSI this semester,
(she's another wingless angel that i know since high school)
and i started to really notice her wing only when she left. ha ha.
actually i do notice her wing lamaaa suda ba, cuma tidak betul2 tengok.
besala, sudah kehilangan baru mau menghargai..ha ha
thank God its not a permanent lost kan sherry?^^
And then this semester God send me 2 new wingless angel.
A pair of angels.
:O
I met them during CSG gatherings and that time...
Little did i know that i'll really need them in my life ne.
As i become closer to her(one of them),
there is this strong feeling that tell me that God send her to me for a reason.
And its like i've know her for years ne..
Eeee~ Im so grateful ne.
I used to talk a lot about everything to Sherry, but now that she is gone..
Its like God knows ne, and she sends another angel.
Debbie, thank you for coming to my life.
and dear God, Thank You.
May i always appreciate them.
Every each of them, no matter how difficult they can be.
GBU. ^^
Suddenly feels too many of worldliness thing in my life.
Leaving behind my University Life and all those unimportant things.
I feel like giving up and go somewhere FAR FAR AWAY and marry some nice guy.
...................
........................
Yeah.
Perhaps an arranged marriage.
Or Kawin Lari. *burh~ Oh itu tabole, tara bole. Nanti jadi anak derahaka.
Astajah. I watch too much Korean Movie.
-_-"
Everytime i feel so tired and empty and meaningless and whatsoever you call it,
This stupid-crazy thought really cross my mind.
Maybe im too tired.
Maybe i should get some sleep.
Maybe..
I shouldn't be scribling craps in my blog when i'm supposed to finish my Turtle Assigment tonight.
Wish me luck, Lord bless me, strengthen me and BE with me!
Amen! ^^
A simplified version of my understanding: ini yg sa paham la.
Archelon is a turtle,(its genus or something) an extinced turtle, to be exact.
and this turtle is so huge and reach as high as 4 metres.
Yesh, it is even larger than a human being.
0_o
Amazing creation of God.
Imagine if these Archelon still exist today..hurm.
I guess there is a reason for them to be extinct.
Okeh, sambung.
I haven't finished my turtles assignment which is due next week.
Yesh. Next week. Omaigad.
Bagus. sangat bagus.
Tahniah Aibeh! Limpang2 lu.
And the assigment includes drawing turtles, their carapace, plastron and skelton.
So we have to draws 2 species of turtles in the IPMB, the hawksbill and green turtle.
And oh, we have to draw each for all the 3 stages : hatchling, juvenile and adult.
And yes I AM SUPER GRATEFUL that they don't have archelon isochyroshere in IPMB.
Thank God.
The turtles are driving me crazy.
Slowly.
Dei dogo..bukan sama seja ka rupa dia dari kicik smpai basarr?kanapa jg mau lukis smua stage?
Nasib baik sabariah dan sabarudin sudi menyertai saya dalam proses melukis turtles.
Terima kasih Tuhan kerana menghantar sabariah dan sabarudin. =D
Drawing these turtle reminds me of the labi2 back at my home.
Aparently, my family is a big fan of sup labi labi.
Me? Not so much.
Adakah sebab sia pun pigi minum sup labi2 aritu, trus inila karma dia.
Beh, sejak bila sia mempercayai kepercayaan karut neee.
Asthaja. Plis la. Plissss la aibeh..
In my defence, i never like the soup.
And i only take like a sip.
Terus trauma suda nampak turtle. Dei dogo.
Yala yala..sa berjanji sia tidak akan minum sup labi2 lagi. -_-
Aik, labi labi sama penyu ada kaitan mehh?
Im not sure. But my guess is that maybe they come from the same family.
Ah tidak penting ba tu. Yang penting important.
Wakaka.
A picture of me holding the dinner for my family. Forgot when it was taken. Why am i so happy?
Ba, i have like 5 drawings to go. Wish me luck.
P.s :
Dear mr and mrs turtles,
you might be big and many.
But well, my God is Bigger than u.
I can do this!!
=D
Lord God, thank you!
I always believe that every friend is an angel U've sent to me.
And i truly grateful to have them, yes every single one of them.
People come and go from our life.
Every each of them have a purpose for coming into your life.
Good one, or bad one,
they have a reason for coming.
Sometime when they have to go,
its not that God don't want you to stop being happy and blessed.
But its because their purpose has been fullfilled.
Maybe they come to teach you something,
Maybe they come to give you something,
Maybe they come because you need them.
Maybe they come because you need a shoulder to cry on,
mayeb they come simply to make your day a litle brighter,
or for any other simplest reason you can think of..
And when you've learned that something,
when you get the things you need,
and when you are Strong enough already,
then i guess their mission is accomplished.
and thats when they'll leave you.
And maybe there's another person that needed them.
Ba, assigment sia bulum siap. Astajah. God help me. I need strength, patience and a strong will! Amen
If it's not because of U, i would barely have the strength to carry on.
Sigh~
Sometime i don't know what to pray and how to pray.
Im so afraid that i'll be praying for a wrong thing.
Asking for things that i want, not things that i need.
Speaking of prayer, it reminds me of my lecturer.
He's teaching us 1 subject in my marine science course.
I like him. A lot. And yes i do respect him by all mean.
He teaches us more than just knowledge,
and he always
ALWAYS make us think.
At the end of his lecture, he always tells us something meaningful and left us to think it and judge it ourself.
One of his quote that i still remember :
Respect is to be earned, not demanded.
And this week, he mentioned that praying make human lazy.
I can't really recall the exact sentence,but its some sort like that.
He never mention his religion.
Im guessing that he is a pagant, or a free-thinker.
No offence, i have no negative feelings toward free thinkers.
But well, people with no religion doesn't mean they are not good people isn't it?
And yes, sometime they are even better than people with religion.
No offence. Im not saying that myself is good. If you think im a good person, then you don't know me.
I believe that everyone have their own good side and bad side, it is up to our own eye that wants to see which side of the people ba.
Because im wearing spectacle, its hard for me to even see how many sides do they have.
Beh, doesnt make sense betul oh kn.
So i always like my lecturer's sharing about his life and all that.
But doesn't mean that i have to agree wth every single thing isn't it.
No offence.
But im not saying its wrong or what.
It's just that everyone have their own opinion.
Fair enough. Everyone have the right ba.
Everyone have their own piece of mind kan.
Well. For me,
Praying doesn't make human lazy.
In fact, Praying is the highest privilege ever given to us human.
And i really do believe in the power of prayer.
Yes i do.
I do! i do! ^^
When you pray wholeheartedly,
I believe that that Big guy up there will hear you.
Many times in my life, prayers really make me strong.
Stronger than i ever thought i can be.
And when we pray, we don't just sit around and wait for our prayer to happens ba.
We also have to make our own effort, and God will bless our effort and help us in a way that we can never expect.
And they said God answer prayers in 3 ways :
Yes, No and Wait.
And apparently, the answer to my prayer now is Wait.
Hurm. I just hope that i have enough patience to wait.
Klu ko pray that ko akan dapat rezeki melimpah2 tapi ko duduk guyang kaki minum kupi cap kapal api sambil tingu thangathirai seja mimanglaba tidak dapat, smpai berjanggut pun teda juga tu.
And if you pray, agak agak la ba kan. Plis la jangan pray for something yang tidak bersesuaian.
Contohnya, mau kawin sama artis korea. Tapi klu suda jodoh ko sa nda tau la.
If if your prayer is something that you don't need and is not suitable for u, then answer to ur prayer definitly is a NO.
But when God answer No, it's not that He didn't to give u the thing u want.
It is because he wants to give u something Better.
Contohnya, contoh la ah.
Pasal ko pray yg mau kawin sma artis korea.
Tuhan bilang no sebab mana la tau, pas ko kawin sma tu artis korea, kan dia ensem dan femes gilaa dan supaya ko x kasi malu dia kan.. so dia suru ko pigi buat pembedahan plastik la, pigi buat liposuction ka, and then hari hari muka ko kuar majalah...trus teda privasi ni.
Pakai baju salah pun kena cakap wardrobe malfunction nee suda.
naaa stress ooh bgitu pny hidup.
Belum lagi tu artis korea flirt flirt dan kena gosip dengan co-star dia.. naaa jeles 24/7 trus wpun hanya gossip.
naa ko mau ka bgitu?
"MAuu!!!!" bilang.
Emba. Sa tetau suda pa mo ckp. Haha. Ba pigilaaaa kawin!! Degil!!
But often i failed to see that when the answer is No, it is because im blinded with my anger and i fail to think straightly.
"Ko tau cakappp seja oh, cuba ko buaatt!!"
U might say this. ya i know. haha.
Klu sa teda buat, takkan la sia cakap panjang2 sini kan..
Namun begitu... * jeng jeng jeng..tutt tutt muzik latar
Well..im only human. and im trying my best.
Prayer does help me a lot. More than i could ever imagine.
There are times when i pray half-heartedly.
And yes i admit that when i'm in trouble, thats when my prayer become so sincere ne.
As if im praying like im gonna die already ne.
And when i feel so thankful to someone,
when my friend is in trouble or in need,
when there is nothing i can do to help them,
All i can offer them is my prayer.
That's the least that i can do.
Because im bad at approaching people and to pujuk them ne..i'l left them alone first to give them their own me-time. and wait if they wanna talk with me and listen to them.
My friends, please remember that my prayers be with you always.
Always will, always do.
Asthaja. Why am i bloging instead of studying my financial paper tomorrow.
Astaja.
Asthaja..
Asthaja!! Asthajah si jijah!
Tiapaa sempat lagi ne.^^ Yakin seja!!
P.s : suddenly im feeling too old ne. bercakap pun macam org tua2. biarrrr!!!
*Again, im supposed to post this on 14th August. Gomenasai.
Hola~
Im gonna start this post by wishing my dear lil brothe, Michael Leo Chin a Happy Happy Birthday! Have a blessed birthday, and may God bless you abundantly. Thank you for being born today. You certainly made the family lovelier!
As you know or you may not know, i am a part of catholic student group CSG UMS.
And one of the activities recently is to visit the Cheshire home; this activity is considered to be a charity work to the Cheshire Home. And we started the preparations since Friday night at CSG centre; Shantao.
I guess i should start this post by explaining a bit of the Cheshire home.
This is what i found out from the manager or whatsoever you call it; his name is Mr. Fariz. He’s kinda the one to manage this Cheshire home.
And the first time i saw him, he was looking at us so seriously as if he was going to eat us ne. But when he started to brief us, his expression get softer and well he was a kind guy.
And oh, he is one of the OKU as well.
And my first impression is that I’m impressed at how he feels so comfortable in the wheelchair and confident and move around like normal people do that you don’t really feel he is an OKU.
As if the wheelchair is not even there nee.
I’m guessing it was not easy at first but still, he manages to handle it well.
I think his age is around 29 or 30 and he said that he used to be as normal as we are, but he involved in an accident and now he uses wheelchair to move around.
And so, now he understands the feelings of OKUs so well.
He said that people outside have such negative impression toward OKU where people are discriminating them thinking that OKU are people with disabilities and is unproductive.
And he is going to change that impression and wants people to see OKU just at the same level as a normal human being. OKU may be having some disabilities, but still they do have the ability to do the other thing that is productive as well.
I saw one of them making is jewelleries from beautiful beads which i guess is to be sold.
And Cheshire Home now is in the process of completing the bakery room there and the OKU there will be trained to bake the buns and cake.
Mr Fariz said that Cheshire Home used to take care of the OKU until the end of their life. But he wants to change it, and one of the objectives of the Cheshire Home is to train the OKU to have an ability or expertise in some area and when they do have the ability, Cheshire home will send the OKU to the society to work and live just like other normal people.
And yes, Cheshire Home does really need lots of support from the society and from people like us. To at least open our mind and change the way we treat and see them.
And the least we can do is to change our mindset that even OKU can be productive and is really no big different from us.
And to not discriminate them just because they have disabilities.
And for me i feel that, what they need is not our sympathy or empathy, but they need our support, care and love.
Now that we know, do we care enough?
This programme of Charity Work started on Friday where we kinda prepare ourselves inner-ly before we come to the Cheshire home and do our things. We pray and lift it all up to God, to do everything in love, and to do this not for the glory of our name, but to the glory of God the Father’s name.
So on a Saturday morning, we reach Cheshire Home around 9 and started by gotong royong.
When i was doing my gotong royong i pass by one of them, If im not mistaken her name is CC. And i was passing her by and i wave and say hello to her, trying to be as loving as i can.
To be brutally honest, im not really the kind of person to be too close to other. But i don’t know since when did i change. And it reminds me that with God, there is nothing impossible.
I really do believe it. ^^
I was walking with Ary that time and waving and saying hello to CC, and suddenly she grabs my hand yes i AM a bit shocked and i freeze for 2 second but thank GOD i did not run away ne.
Astahaja. Aibeh. Perlukah ko terkejut.
Yes, it is my 1st time bah. Si Ary yang di sebelah sia pun terkejut juga ne. Nasib sia relaks seja.
And when she grabs me, i was shocked but strangely i can feel her heart so pure. And it feels like a little kids is clinging to me. It feels so lovely that she accepted me so quick and yes i accepted her as well.
And we walk around and hold hand like 2 little kids having no care of the world around. Na, trus terkeluar naluri kebudak budakan sia ne.
You know, people like them even though they have disabilities kan, they are really sincere and they don’t hide who they are, and they seems so happy seeing us there ne.
She grabs my hand and i just follow her and we walk around and she brings me to the the other groups of people that are doing their work and like me, they were a bit shocked as well seeing CC is so friendly and is clinging to me.
Astahaja, kami semua pun 1st time ba datang sini. Ada la some of them pernah datang.
This is CC~ ^^
Ary entertaining CC, she is so happy nee time kena main lagu ^^
And we don’t expect them to be so quickly bond and be friendly with us ne. Then when CC and me reach the other group she was so happy seeing how people are giving her attention and she started to play with them. Ohh..Terus dia lupa sia ne.. hahah inda bah. Trus sia pun meneruskan gotong royong sia.
After finishing our gotong royong, around 11am we started the fun part! (Not that i means the gotong royong is not fun)
The sing-a-long activity! Yay! Even i myself love this part!
So, we sang action songs and dance to the music like little kids! Yay! Lalalala~
Even though we only have 2 guitars and a tambourine. But still, i guess it was more than enough to make them happy and have fun.
Well, His grace is enough isn’t it?
And God will always provide.
Always.
Before i came here, i thought that there would be lots of little kids with disabilities, but well i was wrong. Most of them are in their middle age but they act like children and they are so cute, just like a little kid. And yes, they do crave for attention and really love to sing and dance!
Another friend there, she wouldn't let me touch her patung ne.. sia mau jg p sentuh,
lucuh ^^
We sang action songs like Burung Kakak tua, Tralalello, Mandalilang, Chicken dance! And they were so happy and dance along until they feel so tired and they sat on the floor ne.
To be honest, i can’t really make out what they said or sang, but it doesn’t matter as long as we are all having fun! Music and songs unites everyone!
Most of them have difficulties in talking and they just made funny and cute sounds. Some of them can’t see and some of them can’t talk and sat on a wheelchair and have difficulties using their hand.
Then it was time for us to give them the cenderahati berupakan hamper makanan. And all of us gave them the drinks and snacks and some of them needs help to be fed.
I approach one of them, he was a guy in a wheelchair and he was super passive and he did not want to eat the snacks that i gave.
And oh God, i know i am so NOT good in this thing. But i also know that in God, there is nothing imposibble.
And this one phrase keeps reminding me in my head : Do everything in Love.
So i tried anyway.
I saw the other friends giving foods to the other OKU with much difficulities, and they split the food everywhere. But thank God for the patient we all have.
I started by trying to give him the Susu Kasang ne, but he made a long sound or noise which i don’t understand and then he look away from me.
Then i tried the jelly. He remains passive.
I tried the gula gula kapas. He have no responds. He look at another direction.
I change my position to his right side and i kneel beside him trying to get a better position to communicate with him.
I tried the Snack. I opened it and put it in his hand. Still looking away.
I tried the Susu kasang again. And he pushes it gently.
I tried communicating with him even though i know most of them will only respond with sound and noises. Because i feel that they can still hear what i said even though they can’t respond.
And i ask Aiwen, another friend to help me. But, he is still passive.
And i saw the other are almost finished feeding the OKUs with the snacks. And well, they have difficulty in feeding the as well.
I try the jelly. Nope.
I try the gula kapas. Nope.
Oh God...
Then i tried the Snacks again. I try to put it in his hand.
He grabs the snacks but he did not eat it.
But im more than happy now that he at least respond to me.
And for like 10 minutes he is holding the snacks. And i try to talk and communicate to him. And i grab a little of the snacks and fed him, and he ate it.
At last! And i don’t know if im being patient to him or that im just being annoying to him ne.
Thank God he did not hit me ne. ~_~
And yes, i almost jump for happiness that now he at least eat when i fed him. He chews on it.
And suddenly, he shrieked.
Yesh, and loud enough for everyone to turn around and look at me.
Again, for the 2nd time, i freeze for 3 seconds.
Lemah jantung sia trus.
Everyone look at him. And i look at him as well.
And i think they look at me too. -_-“
Astahaja. Did i do something wrong? I tried my best to look relaks~
He drop the snacks and he look at one direction and i guess he saw something that scared him or make him shrieked.
And then he moved away with his wheelchair and some workers there help him. And they left.
Well, at least he ate the snacks i fed. =D
Its’s really REALLY testing my patience. Seriously.
I wonder, am i usually that patience?
Thank God saya lebih sabar dari sabariah dan iya sememangnya lebih sabar dari sabaruddin. Mungkin sebab satu hari seja kan, cuba kalau hari hari. Tingula sejauh mana kesabaran sia.
Again, it reminds me of the CSG motto: “to serve, and not to be served”.
But when you really see them, you see more than just their flaw. You see something else. You gotta see it yourself, feel it yourself because i can’t and describe it with words. Susah ne mau explain dengan kata2.
Then it was time for their lunch. And they all sat together in a long table. Some sat on their wheel chair, and those who can walk sat on a normal chair.
One of them is a girl younger than me, she can walk but she cannot see things. I don’t know if she is totally blind.
She is sitting on the chair and i think she can’t talk either and she keeps touching her left ear with her left hand. And the worker said she need help to be fed.
Well, obviously. Stupid me. She can’t see.
Nda ba..actually i was giving the other ajk the chance to feed her ne but no one did and so walaupun sia agak trauma dengan kejadian menyuap the passive guy on the wheel chair, i came to her and feed her.
She is so quiet and she tries to touch everything because she can’t see i guess. Maka sia pun menjadi sabariah dan menyuapkan makanan to her. But i don’t have much difficulties with her, she ate when i fed her.
I don’t know what emotions im having at that moment. But certainly i don’t want to show my sympathy much, because sympathy is not what they need. And so does sheding tears for them.
Because i feel that what they really need is love, care and respect ba. Not us coming there feeding there as we cry a river.
Of course i do feel sadness but we didn’t came here to cry a river, we came here to have fun with them, and maked them feel appreciated and loved.
I have mixed emotion at that moment.
I feel happy because she ate when i fed her, for me it means that she accepted me,
I feel grateful that God has given me the chance to meet with these OKU to make me realize that they exist too, and they need love and care, also support.
Suddenly, i realize that even though some things that we have seem so unimportant, seem so common, seem so normal.
But when we lose it, suddenly we realize it is actually a BLESSINGS.
Kan? Kan? Yala, sia saturang jala yang rasa begitu.
I called it as the little blessing in life.
And to be able to hold the spoon and feed youself is one of the little blessings.
Isn’t it? It looks so common to ourself because it is what we do everyday.
And i feel so brokenhearted that i only realize this blessing when i see this blind girl having difficulties to feed herself.
This broken hearted feeling is not because i saw the disabilities of the girl, but it is because i feel broken hearted at myself for failing to see this blessing earlier.
Because we did it everyday , we don’t really see it as a blessing.
Just because its one of the common-everyday-thing, doesn’t mean that it can’t be a blessing for us.
Because we thinks that we were able to do it yesterday, and we did it today, and thinks that we can do it for the next day, so we don’t really give a damn about it.
But guess what, it’s not a sure thing.
You can never be sure.
*oh okeh.I’m not praying or cursing myself that something will happen to me.
But in case if it did happen, please remember that i will always love you guys. So much you’ll never know.
So be grateful.
Today. Now. At this very moment.
And it reminds me of the quote :
As you grow up, you will realize that you have 2 hands. 1 for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
Oh okeh, sambung crita tadi. And the blind girl, if im not mistaken her name is Cho Cho. And she finished her food ne..I noticed their food is mainly rice, vegetables and fish.
Yay! She finishes it so quick even though i feel the food is too much for her.
I feel happy because she finishes her vegetable ne and yes, i am happy also because she manages to finish her food and she did it quicker than me. I guess.
Yes, im slow when i eat and to be honest sometime i did not finish my food. And i don’t really eat veggies unless im at home.
Astaja nda tau bersyukur butul sia oh. Iya ba iya ba..sia bersalah la.
Trus sia kagum ne bila dia dapat habiskan makanan dia dan dengan pantasnya. Dan sayur juga. Tahniah Cho Cho! Pasni nescaya sia akan menghabiskan makanan sia. Sia berjanji.
Then after she finishes her food she stands up and grabs my hand and start to walk around. I did not know where she wants to go so i just follow and try to lead her. She started to walk around and pushes and bumps to people as people make way for her and me.
And then the worker tells me that she wants to go to the toilet.
Oh okeh, sorry im so clueless Cho Cho. So i walk her to the toilet. And i can’t help but to imagine the feelings of people who can’t see.
When i can’t see thing, i feel so unsafe.
And maybe that’s why once in a while she will squeeze my hand tightly.
And i tried talking to her and communicating with her even though she response me with noises only but i know that she can hear me.
I know that being blind makes you feel so lonely.
You might say this : “macamana ko tau ohh.. ko pernah buta meh?”
Iyala ba. Tidak payah buta pun buli tau juga ba..
Okay, try closing your eyes for 5 minutes and walk around the room as you close your eyes.
Being blind makes you feel so unsafe. Kannn??
I just hope that i don’t annoy her with all the craps that i’ve said to her.
Oh,there was a time i was sitting next to her, and i was merapu rapu with her, and suddenly she whistle.
Ya, she whistle.
I was startled.
Because she can’t talk properly. She can talk, but its just that u won’t understand her.
And i feel happy ne.
Because its like she knows that she can’t talk properly and so this is the only way she can communicate with me.
By whistling.
And it was like she is trying to tell me ne that she hears what i said and she whistles to respond to me.
Also, its like she is trying to thank me ne for accompanying her.
But again, maybe its my feeling seja ne.
But still, i can’t help but to feel glad.
^^
So we went back in the evening and i was so tired like hell and i took my bath and i fall asleep as soon as i lay down on my bed.
It was a good day for me. Though im tired like hell, though i have lotsa assignment waiting to be done, though im stuck with my final year project, i feel so contented.
Dear God JC, thank you so much for all the little blessings in my life. =D
I'm tired.
It is difficult, but i'm trying my best.
Commitment aren't as easy as i think.
There's so many sacrifice to be made.
But its ok God will provide.
Always will, always do.
Suddenly it struck me that..
whenever i feel so tired, so useless, so weak, so down,
I'm not alone.
And there is always someonelse in this world that have a harder life.
And compare to those people, mine is no big deal.
And i know so many friends that have so many burden, commitment and problems and still they are trying their best to carry on.
Because i know that they put their trust in God.
And i pray that they will continue to lean on God, and put their hope in Him.
And well,
i realize something today,
actually i did realized this long time ago, but it become so clear today after i talk to my friend.
even though he/she put a big smile on their face,
even though he/she always joke and laugh with other,
even though people feel so impressed with her/him,
sometime people don't know what's really going in other's life.
It doesn't mean that they don't have problems or difficulties,
it doesn't mean that they are always happy 24/7,
it doesn't mean that they are succesful in all parts of their life,
it doesn't mean that they won't break down.
Being in this position myself, i understand his position now.
And the least i can do now is to pray.
Becasuse that's what a friends are for.
Thank You for all the angels U sent to me, Lord God.
Bless him, strengthen him, and be with him. Amen!
The most productive thing that i did today was making TED.
By the way, TED stands for Turtle Exclusion Device.
*Eh butul ka tu, klu salah pukulah sia ah. astaja, klu salah matila sia kana timbak Dr P
Its just like all the other net used by the fisherman, but the only difference is that this net is specially design so as not to caught turtles when going trawling or fishing.
Means even if a turtle was caught in this net, the turtle can still escape ne.
"Macam mana tu? Apa ba ko cakap neee!!" bilang.
Beh, nda paya la ba mau marah2.
Macam besa, sia merapu rapu sambil jual ikan kerapu ni. Please bear with me.
Embaa, im not in the mood to explain. Not that you want to know also kan? Hihi.
Okeh, maka kami pun mengait jala dari matahari terbit hinggala sang purnama memunculkan dirinya.
As you might or might not know, im taking marine science, jadi tidak ganjil la klu kami ada belajar mau buat pukat.
In fact, my dad did taught me how to make pukat ne, trus buat yang buian tali tali lagi ne.
Baaa bolela jadi isteri nelayan suda ne.
"BA, Pigila!!" bilang..
Hebat kan my dad, sia pun kagum ne. Macam dia tau2 seja sia akan berkawin sama nelayan, maka dia pun ajar sia buat pukat.
HAH?! bilang. Ada lagi ko merepek sampai jaauuuuhhh butul bilang.
Okeh, sa teda mau share ba this, cukupla sampai di sini sia buat kerepek. mau pigi jual dulu di bazaar.
O yes, sia mau pigi makan cheese kek sia dulu. *tiba2 ne tukar topik
Got 2 cakes, 1 is for my roomate's birthday. And the other 1 kena balanja. O yes! ^^
Maka malam ni sia tidak perlu pigi dinner sap maw kasi abis 2 cheese kek ah.
Jadi klu bisuk sia tiba tiba golombon tidak payala maw heran okeh. Beh, adakaaaa dlm 1 ari seja pandai gumukkk?
"Ada lagi ko mo kasi jelesss!! Astaja orang posa baa niii" bilang.
*Inda ba, tidak terdetik pun di hati sia mau kasi jeles, tercuit sejala. Time sia taip ni orang suda buka posa bah. Yay, ada jugala yg bikin happy sia arini coz ada orang blanja cheese kek.
Trima kasih kerana menunaikan janji terang bulan ko. wahai si polan.
Yay!!! =D
Walaupun agak terlambat for my birthday, tapi tida pa. Late is better than never~
Sia trima dengan hati yang sangaaaattt terbuka~ dan mulut yang sangat terbuka juga.
*okay im supposed to post this on 5th but well what the heck. as usual im good in procastinantion. maka anggap sejala sa mempostkan ini pada 5 ogos.
I was born today, 21 years ago.
It all started with a..*typical way of starting a LONG story.keh cukup2 la mode panglipur lara
So like other babies, i was born normally.
Life isn't always a bed of roses for me,
happiness comes and go,
obstacles do too and sometime stay for a while,
things don't always go the way i want it to be,
and in short life isn't always easy for me.
But. But still.
I thank God for bringing me to this world.
Thank you dear God.
And thank you dear mum. If its not because of you, i wouldn’t be here.
For all the pain and suffering you’ve gone through just to bring me to this world. Thank you.
Oh, of course not forgetting my dear dad as well. ^^
Well, there would never be enough words of thank you that i can say to repay all the love i had.
Family and friends : Thank you for the wishes!
Hey mariners : Thank you for the birthday songs!
*oh! Should also thank Dr P for not scolding me because i was talking in your class about how i turn 21 today. Astaga. aibeh len kali plis la jan bercakap time dr p bcakap di clas.
Hey my lovely roomies, Chu Choy San n Xiao Jing : Thank you for the unexpected birthday-Japanese-donuts from Bigapple. Love it!and Love u guys!
My loved one: Tq so much. So much u’ll never know.
Well..only songs and thoughts are already more than enough for me.
But i would not mind if you got cakes or present for me though. Hihi.
For all my loved one, family and friends:
THANK YOU. *so much u'll never know
Prayers are all i have for you all.
I am truly, perfectly and completely loved. =)
I just came back from 1 borneo, we went there to watch this Despicable me cartoon.
I went back to ip and took my bath and suddenly when i came out, the room was dark.
And as i was wondering: asthaja..why is the room so dark? black out meh?
“Happy birthday to you..happy birthday to you..”
I just finish taking my bath and come out with towels on my head and i saw my roommate and her friend are standing and smiling with a box of Japanese cutes donut. oh and candles on top of the donut.
Asthaja.
Wakakaka..
Astaga..lama la tu durang tunggu sia cuci kain lagi tu di toilet. Siou dii.len kali mau buat suprise kestau sia baa...haha...Trus si nda cuci kain lagi..wakakaka
Cumil. Dan sedikit lucuh. Wakakaka. Oh terima kasih yang tidak terhingga la.
Okla, at least i can blow candles on my birthday and make wish.
Dei mau jugaaaaa bilang. Haha ^^
And it reminds me of my old roomies back at matrix ne.
Apparently they also switch off the light when i went to the toilet and wait for me to come into the room as i wonders why the hell did they switch off the light? Marah kunun ne. Are all rommates like this? haha.
Sekali they sang happy birthday to me as they hold my birthday cake. And i was touched ne.
Astaja..miah, afy and jaq i miss you guys so much. ^^ Wish you guys were here.
See? Now i know. Thats WHY you have to HAVE roommates! Haha just kidding.
And 1 one my most memorable birthday is during my childhood when i was..erm okeh sia nda ingat birthday sia yang ke brapa la. Ko bilang most memorable bilang!..around 5 or 6 years old kali.
And i was celebrating my birthday with my family, and i remember i have this one cake.
Actually its not really considered as a cake, its more to a sponge ordinary cake. Neh..Apa ba sia cakap ne.
The cake was rectangular and is colourful. It doesn’t really qualify as a cake.
Its quite small and simple, its FAR from the fancy delicious cake that we have nowadays.
During those years, i guess my parent couldn’t afford a big fancy cake for me.
*no offence, but im too young and too happy to care anyway
But yet, i feel so happy.
I feel contented.
I feel so blessed.
Or maybe, im just a kid. And that im too young to understand.
But come to think of it, maybe its not because of the cake. Isn’t it?
As i grew up, i understand now.
That a simple gatherings of your loved one can makes you happy enough.
That sharing your happiness is doubling you happiness.
And that its not about the cake.
That it was actually the love that makes me feels so happy, so blessedand so contented.
And having your loved one around to share this happiness is just more than the happiness a fancy cake can give you.
1 wish that i have is that i can make you guys feel so happy, blessed and contented just like you guys had make me feel. Thank you. So much that you’ll never know.
