Cheshire Home~

14^th August 2010 Cheshire Home

*Again, im supposed to post this on 14^th August. Gomenasai.

Hola~

Im gonna start this post by wishing my dear lil brothe, Michael Leo Chin a Happy Happy Birthday! Have a blessed birthday, and may God bless you abundantly. Thank you for being born today. You certainly made the family lovelier!

As you know or you may not know, i am a part of catholic student group CSG UMS.

And one of the activities recently is to visit the Cheshire home; this activity is considered to be a charity work to the Cheshire Home. And we started the preparations since Friday night at CSG centre; Shantao.

I guess i should start this post by explaining a bit of the Cheshire home.

This is what i found out from the manager or whatsoever you call it; his name is Mr. Fariz. He’s kinda the one to manage this Cheshire home.

And the first time i saw him, he was looking at us so seriously as if he was going to eat us ne. But when he started to brief us, his expression get softer and well he was a kind guy.

And oh, he is one of the OKU as well.

And my first impression is that I’m impressed at how he feels so comfortable in the wheelchair and confident and move around like normal people do that you don’t really feel he is an OKU.

As if the wheelchair is not even there nee.

I’m guessing it was not easy at first but still, he manages to handle it well.

I think his age is around 29 or 30 and he said that he used to be as normal as we are, but he involved in an accident and now he uses wheelchair to move around.

And so, now he understands the feelings of OKUs so well.

He said that people outside have such negative impression toward OKU where people are discriminating them thinking that OKU are people with disabilities and is unproductive.

And he is going to change that impression and wants people to see OKU just at the same level as a normal human being. OKU may be having some disabilities, but still they do have the ability to do the other thing that is productive as well.

I saw one of them making is jewelleries from beautiful beads which i guess is to be sold.

And Cheshire Home now is in the process of completing the bakery room there and the OKU there will be trained to bake the buns and cake.

Mr Fariz said that Cheshire Home used to take care of the OKU until the end of their life. But he wants to change it, and one of the objectives of the Cheshire Home is to train the OKU to have an ability or expertise in some area and when they do have the ability, Cheshire home will send the OKU to the society to work and live just like other normal people.

And yes, Cheshire Home does really need lots of support from the society and from people like us. To at least open our mind and change the way we treat and see them.

And the least we can do is to change our mindset that even OKU can be productive and is really no big different from us.

And to not discriminate them just because they have disabilities.

And for me i feel that, what they need is not our sympathy or empathy, but they need our support, care and love.

Now that we know, do we care enough?

This programme of Charity Work started on Friday where we kinda prepare ourselves inner-ly before we come to the Cheshire home and do our things. We pray and lift it all up to God, to do everything in love, and to do this not for the glory of our name, but to the glory of God the Father’s name.

So on a Saturday morning, we reach Cheshire Home around 9 and started by gotong royong.

When i was doing my gotong royong i pass by one of them, If im not mistaken her name is CC. And i was passing her by and i wave and say hello to her, trying to be as loving as i can.

To be brutally honest, im not really the kind of person to be too close to other. But i don’t know since when did i change. And it reminds me that with God, there is nothing impossible.

I really do believe it. ^^

I was walking with Ary that time and waving and saying hello to CC, and suddenly she grabs my hand yes i AM a bit shocked and i freeze for 2 second but thank GOD i did not run away ne.

 Astahaja. Aibeh. Perlukah ko terkejut.

Yes, it is my 1^st time bah. Si Ary yang di sebelah sia pun terkejut juga ne. Nasib sia relaks seja.

 And when she grabs me, i was shocked but strangely i can feel her heart so pure. And it feels like a little kids is clinging to me. It feels so lovely that she accepted me so quick and yes i accepted her as well.

And we walk around and hold hand like 2 little kids having no care of the world around. Na, trus terkeluar naluri kebudak budakan sia ne.

You know, people like them even though they have disabilities kan, they are really sincere and they don’t hide who they are, and they seems so happy seeing us there ne.

She grabs my hand and i just follow her and we walk around and she brings me to the the other groups of people that are doing their work and like me, they were a bit shocked as well seeing CC is so friendly and is clinging to me.

Astahaja, kami semua pun 1^st time ba datang sini. Ada la some of them pernah datang. 

This is CC~ ^^

Ary entertaining CC, she is so happy nee time kena main lagu ^^

And we don’t expect them to be so quickly bond and be friendly with us ne. Then when CC and me reach the other group she was so happy seeing how people are giving her attention and she started to play with them. Ohh..Terus dia lupa sia ne.. hahah inda bah. Trus sia pun meneruskan gotong royong sia.

After finishing our gotong royong, around 11am we started the fun part! (Not that i means the gotong royong is not fun)

The sing-a-long activity! Yay! Even i myself love this part!

So, we sang action songs and dance to the music like little kids! Yay! Lalalala~

Even though we only have 2 guitars and a tambourine. But still, i guess it was more than enough to make them happy and have fun.

Well, His grace is enough isn’t it?

And God will always provide.

Always.

Before i came here, i thought that there would be lots of little kids with disabilities, but well i was wrong.  Most of them are in their middle age but they act like children and they are so cute, just like a little kid. And yes, they do crave for attention and really love to sing and dance!

Another friend there, she wouldn't let me touch her patung ne.. sia mau jg p sentuh,

lucuh ^^

We sang action songs like Burung Kakak tua, Tralalello, Mandalilang, Chicken dance! And they were so happy and dance along until they feel so tired and they sat on the floor ne.

To be honest, i can’t really make out what they said or sang, but it doesn’t matter as long as we are all having fun! Music and songs unites everyone!

Most of them have difficulties in talking and they just made funny and cute sounds. Some of them can’t see and some of them can’t talk and sat on a wheelchair and have difficulties using their hand.

Then it was time for us to give them the cenderahati berupakan hamper makanan. And all of us gave them the drinks and snacks and some of them needs help to be fed.

I approach one of them, he was a guy in a wheelchair and he was super passive and he did not want to eat the snacks that i gave.

And oh God, i know i am so NOT good in this thing. But i also know that in God, there is nothing imposibble.

And this one phrase keeps reminding me in my head : Do everything in Love.

So i tried anyway.

I saw the other friends giving foods to the other OKU with much difficulities, and they split the food everywhere. But thank God for the patient we all have.

I started by trying to give him the Susu Kasang ne, but he made a long sound or noise which i don’t understand and then he look away from me.

Then i tried the jelly. He remains passive.

I tried the gula gula kapas. He have no responds. He look at another direction.

I change my position to his right side and i kneel beside him trying to get a better position to communicate with him.

I tried the Snack. I opened it and put it in his hand. Still looking away.

I tried the Susu kasang again. And he pushes it gently.

I tried communicating with him even though i know most of them will only respond with sound and noises. Because i feel that they can still hear what i said even though they can’t respond.

And i ask Aiwen, another friend to help me. But, he is still passive.

And i saw the other are almost finished feeding the OKUs with the snacks. And well, they have difficulty in feeding the as well.

I try the jelly. Nope.

I try the gula kapas. Nope.

Oh God...

Then i tried the Snacks again. I try to put it in his hand.

He grabs the snacks but he did not eat it.

 But im more than happy now that he at least respond to me.

And for like 10 minutes he is holding the snacks. And i try to talk and communicate  to him. And i grab a little of the snacks and fed him, and he ate it.

At last! And i don’t know if im being patient to him or that im just being annoying to him ne.

Thank God he did not hit me ne. ~_~

And yes, i almost jump for happiness that now he at least eat when i fed him. He chews on it.

And suddenly, he shrieked.

Yesh, and loud enough for everyone to turn around and look at me.

Again, for the 2^nd time, i freeze for 3 seconds.

Lemah jantung sia trus.

Everyone look at him. And i look at him as well.

And i think they look at me too. -_-“

Astahaja. Did i do something wrong? I tried my best to look relaks~

He drop the snacks and he look at one direction and i guess he saw something that scared him or make him shrieked.

And then he moved away with his wheelchair and some workers there help him. And they left.

Well, at least he ate the snacks i fed. =D

Its’s really REALLY testing my patience. Seriously.

 I wonder, am i usually that patience?

Thank God saya lebih sabar dari sabariah dan iya sememangnya lebih sabar dari sabaruddin. Mungkin sebab satu hari seja kan, cuba kalau hari hari. Tingula sejauh mana kesabaran sia.

Again, it reminds me of the CSG motto: “to serve, and not to be served”.

But when you really see them, you see more than just their flaw. You see something else. You gotta see it yourself, feel it yourself because i can’t and describe it with words. Susah ne mau explain dengan kata2.

Then it was time for their lunch. And they all sat together in a long table. Some sat on their wheel chair, and those who can walk sat on a normal chair.

One of them is a girl younger than me, she can walk but she cannot see things. I don’t know if she is totally blind.

She is sitting on the chair and i think she can’t talk either and she keeps touching her left ear with her left hand. And the worker said she need help to be fed.

Well, obviously. Stupid me. She can’t see.

Nda ba..actually i was giving the other ajk the chance to feed her ne but no one did and so walaupun sia agak trauma dengan kejadian menyuap the passive guy on the wheel chair, i came to her and feed her.

She is so quiet and she tries to touch everything because she can’t see i guess. Maka sia pun menjadi sabariah dan menyuapkan makanan to her. But i don’t have much difficulties with her, she ate when i fed her.

I don’t know what emotions im having at that moment. But certainly i don’t want to show my sympathy much, because sympathy is not what they need. And so does sheding tears for them.

Because i feel that what they really need is love, care and respect ba. Not us coming there feeding there as we cry a river.

Of course i do feel sadness but we didn’t came here to cry a river, we came here to have fun with them,  and maked them feel appreciated and loved.

I have mixed emotion at that moment.

I feel happy because she ate when i fed her, for me it means that she accepted me,

I feel grateful that God has given me the chance to meet with these OKU to make me realize that they exist too, and they need love and care, also support.

Suddenly, i realize that even though some things that we have seem so unimportant, seem so common, seem so normal.

But when we lose it, suddenly we realize it is actually a BLESSINGS.

Kan? Kan? Yala, sia saturang jala yang rasa begitu.

I called it as the little blessing in life.

And to be able to hold the spoon and feed youself is one of the little blessings.

Isn’t it? It looks so common to ourself because it is what we do everyday.

And i feel so brokenhearted that i only realize this blessing when i see this blind girl having difficulties to feed herself.

This broken hearted feeling is not because i saw the disabilities of the girl, but it is because i feel broken hearted at myself for failing to see this blessing earlier.

Because we did it everyday , we don’t really see it as a blessing.

Just because its one of the common-everyday-thing, doesn’t mean that it can’t be a blessing for us.

Because we thinks that we were able to do it yesterday, and we did it today, and thinks that we can do it for the next day, so we don’t really give a damn about it.

But guess what, it’s not a sure thing.

 You can never be sure.

*oh okeh.I’m not praying or cursing myself that something will happen to me.

But in case if it did happen, please remember that i will always love you guys. So much you’ll never know.

So be grateful.

 Today. Now.  At this very moment.

And it reminds me of the quote :

As you grow up, you will realize that you have 2 hands. 1 for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Oh okeh, sambung crita tadi. And the blind girl, if im not mistaken her name is Cho Cho. And she finished her food ne..I noticed their food is mainly rice, vegetables and fish.

Yay! She finishes it so quick even though i feel the food is too much for her.

 I feel happy because she finishes her vegetable ne and yes, i am happy also because she manages to finish her food and she did it quicker than me. I guess.

Yes, im slow when i eat and to be honest sometime i did not finish my food. And i don’t really eat veggies unless im at home.

Astaja nda tau bersyukur butul sia oh. Iya ba iya ba..sia bersalah la.

 Trus sia kagum ne bila dia dapat habiskan makanan dia dan dengan pantasnya. Dan sayur juga. Tahniah Cho Cho! Pasni nescaya sia akan menghabiskan makanan sia. Sia berjanji.

Then after she finishes her food she stands up and grabs my hand and start to walk around. I did not know where she wants to go so i just follow and try to lead her. She started to walk around and pushes and bumps to people as people make way for her and me.

And then the worker tells me that she wants to go to the toilet.

Oh okeh, sorry im so clueless Cho Cho. So i walk her to the toilet. And i can’t help but to imagine the feelings of people who can’t see.

When i can’t see thing, i feel so unsafe.

And maybe that’s why once in a while she will squeeze my hand tightly.

And i tried talking to her and communicating with her even though she response me with noises only but i know that she can hear me.

 I know that being blind makes you feel so lonely.

You might say this : “macamana ko tau ohh.. ko pernah buta meh?”

Iyala ba. Tidak payah buta pun buli tau juga ba..

Okay, try closing your eyes for 5 minutes and walk around the room as you close your eyes.

Being blind makes you feel so unsafe. Kannn??

 I just hope that i don’t annoy her with all the craps that i’ve  said to her.

Oh,there was a time i was sitting next to her, and i was merapu rapu with her, and suddenly she whistle.

Ya, she whistle.

I was startled.

Because she can’t talk properly. She can talk, but its just that u won’t understand her.

And i feel happy ne.

Because its like she knows that she can’t talk properly and so this is the only way she can communicate with me.

By whistling.

And it was like she is trying to tell me ne that she hears what i said and she whistles to respond to me.

Also, its like she is trying to thank me ne for accompanying her.

But again, maybe its my feeling seja ne.

But still, i can’t help but to feel glad.

^^

So we went back in the evening  and i was so tired like hell and i took my bath and i fall asleep as soon as i lay down on my bed.

It was a good day for me. Though im tired like hell, though i have lotsa assignment waiting to be done, though im stuck with my final year project, i feel so contented.

Dear God JC, thank you so much for all the little blessings in my life. =D