And all this while i was praying for it,
even though i'm hardly worthy.
And time by time i told myself not to expect to see U in big things,
and that U are in small things too.
Because i often look so hard at those BIG things to see U and i overlooked those small things.
And i forgot that U were there too, during one of those so-called SMALL things.
And again, my unheard prayer was granted yesterday.
U sent me this one person that i least expected to tell me Your message.
And it was so clear.
Clearer than sabun cuci muka Clean& clear. haha teteda..
And i get more than just to feel U last night,
I get a glimpse of U.
And at first i doubt it, because this unworthiness in me is blinding me.
And as the praise and worship session go on, i usually will move my body as the music plays.
but last nite i suddenly freeze and i keep still.
as if i knew something is coming.
And that's when i feel U, and more than just a feeling, i saw U.
and i saw this glimpse of this white robe passing through me.
and i know it's You.
and i'm 120% sure it's not my imagination.
And i didn't see the whole image of U, but it was more than enough for me.
And i remember the bible story about the women that touches Jesus garment and is healed.
- And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him. 25 And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, 26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, 27 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. 28 For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. 29 And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.
- 30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes? 31 And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? 32 And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. 33 But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. 34 And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.
I will be still and know that You are God.
Yes it's true that these few weeks things has been hard for me,
and this worldliness keep making me feel unworthy and empty,
and unrealizingly it become so painful to keep doing what i'm doing,
to keep smiling and believe is not an easy thing u know..
but it was also in this pain that i feel His presence more.
Never as real as this.
And i know that i'm not alone.
And like the women in the passage, i shall believe.
And continue to believe.
Because at this point of life,
only 2 things that remain no matter in what situation i'm facing, no matter how tiring it is.
Its Faith and Love.
and Lord, never let go of me.
Because i'm Your child, and You are my Father.
Lord, this is my temporary home.
And there will be one day,
where i shall see U face to face.
Until that day come, i long for that day, and i shall follow U all of my days.
Friends, if You are facing or carrying a burden so heavy u feel like falling,
remember when the tears fall we are never alone.
In times of suffers, the Lord is with us.
And He send so many wingless angels to us to carry each other's burden.
He's with us.
Always do always will.
Emmanuel.
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